Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene took the stage at a weekend political rally in Las Vegas and, in the dulcet tones of an end-stage cicada, made clear she sees similarities between convicted felon Donald Trump and Jesus Christ.
“The Democrats and the fake-news media want to constantly talk about ‘Oh, President Trump is a convicted felon,’” she said Sunday, addressing a sweaty crowd of easily duped Americans. “You want to know something? The man that I worship is also a convicted felon. And he was murdered on a Roman cross.”
Well, that makes perfect sense if you ignore all biblical teachings and hold your breath for 10 to 15 minutes.
Trump like Jesus? Not sure which Bible Marjorie Taylor Greene is reading.
I don’t remember from my Catholic upbringing the biblical story of Jesus being convicted on 34 felony counts of falsifying business records to cover up an affair with an adult-parchment star. Also, “felony” as a legal term didn’t come about until medieval England.
But I’d never claim to be an expert on Christianity like Greene. I’ll just assume she was referencing a parable from the “NEW New Testament: MAGA Edition,” which makes sense when you consider the fact that, before she spoke, the chair of the Nevada Republican Party said people at the rally had gathered to “worship” Trump.
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Nothing moderately disturbing about that. Presumably, the First Commandment in the NEW New Testament is: “You shall have no other gods before me, except perhaps a crooked overglorified realtor who sells red hats.”
Maybe Trump isn't the messiah, but could he be 'the chosen one'?
If any of this messianic treatment makes you uneasy, I encourage you to relax. It’s not like the leader of a state political party was treating a twice-impeached, multi-indicted, former one-term president who has to meet with probation officers Monday like he’s the chosen one.
No, that specific distinction goes to a Christian “musician” who recently released a song about Trump called “The Chosen One,” which the former president boasted about on his social media site: “Natasha Owens Declares Former President ‘The Chosen One’ with New Single.”
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The lyrics include sensible lines suggesting that the man whom a jury found liable for sexual abuse is also the man God has picked to be a “warrior” for “such a time as this.”
Owens, who must think God has quite the sense of humor, said in a statement: “We are in a battle between good and evil and I believe that God has chosen President Trump to push back against the evil in our country and the evil in this world. President Trump is 'The Chosen One.’”
God clearly sent Trump to talk to us about sharks and batteries
This is all just fine. This is all perfectly normal.
I’m 100% sure if God was searching for an imperfect human vessel to carry a message of hope and love to the masses, he would pick the guy who stood onstage at Sunday’s rally/worship session in Nevada, a landlocked state that is in no way on the ocean, and discussed what would happen if a battery-powered boat started sinking near a shark:
“What would happen if the boat sank from its weight, and you’re in the boat and you have this tremendously powerful battery, and the battery is now underwater and there’s a shark that’s approximately 10 yards over there. By the way, a lot of shark attacks lately, do you notice that? A lot of sharks. I watched some guys justifying it today. ‘Well, they weren’t really that angry, they bit off the young lady’s leg because of the fact that they were not hungry but they misunderstood who she was.’ These people are crazy. He said there’s no problem with sharks they just didn’t really understand a young woman swimming now who really got decimated and a lot of other people too, a lot of shark attacks. So there’s a shark 10 yards way from the boat. Ten yards. Or here. Do I get electrocuted if the boat is sinking, water goes over the battery, the boat is sinking, do I stay on top of the boat and get electrocuted or do I jump over by the shark and not get electrocuted?”
Marjorie Taylor Greene’s newfound messiah is a felonious stupidity magnet.
And that’s the God’s honest truth.
FollowUSA TODAY columnist Rex Huppkeon X, formerlyTwitter,@RexHuppkeand Facebookfacebook.com/RexIsAJerk.
